


I don't deserve you

by Yoteisasingularyeet



Series: Love letters [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidental Confession, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Unrequited Love, no beta we die like l'manburg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoteisasingularyeet/pseuds/Yoteisasingularyeet
Summary: I don’t deserve you, you’re so talented, and kind and god, I could listen to you talk about redstone for hours.Meanwhile I’m me, Ponk with the Supreme mask who has a pitiful crush on the coolest fucking person on the server_______________________________________________________________________Ponk loves Sam, and yet, he can't tell him. He'll never tell him, so he writes a letter.
Relationships: Ponk | DropsByPonk/Sam | Awesamdude
Series: Love letters [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166054
Comments: 15
Kudos: 278





	I don't deserve you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not good at descriptions....  
> Inspired by Your Sister was Right by Wilbur, one of my personal faves on the album.

I don’t deserve you, you’re so talented, and kind and god, I could listen to you talk about redstone for hours.

Meanwhile I’m me, Ponk with the Supreme mask who has a pitiful crush on the coolest fucking person on the server. It’s kinda ironic, I wanted to “join” the egg and then resist to show you how strong I am, but I was swept up in the chaos of it all. I joined it to be strong and cool, but now I’m a weak pawn, like Bad or Ant. At least I’m not fully possessed, you make sure of that. I don’t want to worry anyone, most of all you. If you knew you’d figure out that I’m not ok with how things are and try to fight the egg, but it may hurt you too. As much as I hate that egg, i value your safety over this stupid server. Everything is blown up anyway, who cares.

Anyway, I didn’t come here to talk about how the egg is stupid and how fucking stupid I am for trusting it, I’m writing this to give you a letter professing my undying love for you (though it’s never going to leave my ender chest). So yeah, if you couldn’t tell by now, I love you Sammy Wammy. And if for some reason you’re reading this (which is highly unlikely, because like I said, it’s to stay in my enderchest) you’re probably saying “Of course you love me. I love you too Ponkie” (which is hella cute and makes want to kiss all over your stupid face) but that’s not the way I’M using love. I’m using it like capital-L love. Like, Love love. I’m IN love with you. 

So, yeah. 

I know that’s kinda weird but GOD I can’t control the stupid ass emotions that spring up from having as cool of a friend as you. Listen, I know you, and you’re probably pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about with how fucking cool you are, but come on. You built and operate a prison made to keep the strongest person on the server inside, and it fucking works. That's cool as shit! You have a super rad base far from the server’s conflicts (smart, maybe we could be roommates, but that would make it worse probably, nvm stupid idea Ponk, never ask to move in with Sam) where you keep your adorable dog Fran hidden (she’s a doll by the way, wasn’t even angry when I kidnapped her) and you treat her like your daughter. You’re willing to involve yourself in conflicts that don’t really involve you, like protecting Tommy and Tubbo from the Egg. You’re strong as hell, you grinded for all those cool ass tridents and cool armor. You’re rich enough to use Netherite BLOCKS in the prison (the egg is a hive mind, Bad relayed that information to the egg accidentally, and now we all know) which is a huge Chad move. And just… everything you do is like spitting in my face and telling me I’ll never be good enough, but, god. I want to be good enough. I want to be good enough to break free of the egg, like Bad did (pre-Skeppy infection). I want to be good enough to not have to steal from people (not because I see something wrong with it, but because you don't like it) I want to be good enough for you Sam, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get there.

Didn’t mean for this to get heavy lol, ignore the water spots, that was...water… yeah. ANYWAYS, I just wrote this to let you know how I feel, even though you’ll never read it. On second thought, you don’t Love love me like that, so the best way to part with those feelings is to attach all the feelings to this book and then burn it in nether lava where there's no chance of anyone EVER finding it :) so that’s my plan.

Anyway, should I do that super cliche thing where they sign it all fancy like, with nicknames and listing every reason why I love you? Does it help with coping with rejection? Maybe??? I’ll try it.

REASONS WHY I LOVE SAMMY WAMMY 123:

1: he’s forgiving, even if you don’t deserve it. 

2: He’s handsome

3: He’s tall

4: he’s talented

5: He’s funny

6: His smile and laugh are adorable (even if he thinks his scars make him ugly they don’t, they’re actually quite attractive)

So yeah, that's why I love you Sam, and I know you don’t love me back and that’s ok, I don’t expect you to. I just needed to write this. Off to the nether this book goes. Bye Sam love letter, it was nice writing you.

-Ponk

  
  


Ponk sighed, standing up from his spot near the ruins of L’manburg and closing the book. He placed it in his rucksack, before starting off towards the nether hub.

Ponk had almost made it before a stray creeper blew him up. Respawning in his cemetery, he felt like he should stay there, before remembering what was on stake here. Ponk sat up, rushing down the prime path to the community house. There, he saw Sam, seemingly walking back to the construction sight.

“Oh, hey Ponkie! I put the stuff in the chest over there,” Sam gestured with his head, “I assume that was your stuff. Luckily it wasn’t caught too bad in the explosion. Well, Sam Nook called and said he needed to start doing more work on the build site, so I’m off. See ya’”

Ponk waved back dazedly, before hurrying to the chest. Sure enough his stuff was in the chest. All except a few things, a few blocks, a nametag (which he was kind of sad to be losing) and…

The letter.

Ponk looked through the chest 5 times, searching for a hint of the leather cover with the familiar sheen of signed text, before concluding that it truly wasn’t there. Ponk sat back on his legs, eyes widening and fighting back tears. Where was it?! Who had it! That has all of his deepest darkest feelings for Sam in there. That could be VERY dangerous for both him and Sam. Sam would feel bad if he knew about his feelings, meaning that he would do whatever it takes to spare Ponk’s feeling, and that would undoubtedly be used as blackmail against Ponk.

In the midst of his breakdown, he finally realized there was an extremely high chance the letter was simply blown up. After all, Sam did say some things were blown up (Ponk then realized he was missing his Soul Speed gold boots which made him feel a bit safer) and Sam wouldn’t have any need for any of the things Ponk had in his inventory, so there was no reason for Sam to lie. Ponk sighed, wiping his watering eyes, before standing up and heading towards the Lemon Tree to rest up and calm down.

  
  


Around a week later, Ponk received a mysterious letter titled “ _ FOR PONK, PLEASE READ” _ Ponk scoffed, understanding almost immediately that this was a book from Sam, after all, nobody else would be paranoid enough to put PLEASE READ on a letter to Ponk unless they knew he didn’t read books unless they were explicitly titled please read.

Closing his door and sitting on his bed he began reading.

  
  


Hey Ponkie, you’ll probably be reading this expecting something really stupid and funny but given the number of pages in the book and the tone of the first few lines, you’ve figured out this isn’t just one of those “how are you doing :)” books. You’re smart like that, you know what the tones I’m using mean and even what they are over writing, I love that about you. 

If you haven’t figured it out, the book titled “FOR SAM, DO NOT READ” was not in fact destroyed, but instead taken by me, because duh, it had my name on it; but now I realize that do not read was meant for everyone including me...oops.

Anyway, I read through it and wow, ok. That was a lot to take in, not the feelings part, that I could cope with (I was a bit surprised, but not the bad kind I promise :)) the part where you were talking about me, and I know a part of you, the part that was somehow underneath all that, wanted me to read is asking if the reactions were genuine and yes, you nailed my speech word for word. When you started talking about how cool and smart and stuff, I was a mess. I won’t lie, I almost collapsed twice, and of course Fran was nice to you, she loves you… almost as much as I do. She would never hurt you on purpose.

SO what I’ve been trying to say was that I love you too. Like, capital-L love. LOVE love you, am IN Love with you.

And because I know you too, you’re probably making that smushed face of confusion and disgust, and are probably saying a mix of “This is a prank” and “why?” So, because you clearly don't know why I love you, I‘m going to list why I love you.

REASONS WHY I LOVE PONKIE:

  1. He’s funny, like really funny
  2. When he takes off his mask you can see his adorable smile
  3. He’s really caring and keeps his promises
  4. He’s really fucking smart
  5. He knows me better than I know myself
  6. He’s the perfect hugging height
  7. He’s dedicated, he built an entire train course just to woo me (I thought it was platonic, I was happily mistaken :))))



So yeah, that’s why I love you. And yes, you’ll probably be mad at me for reading the book and invading your privacy but in my defence, it was titled “for sam” so I thought I was clear to read it. Sorry if this ruins your trust in me, but I had to tell you how I felt.

-Sam

(P.S. on what you said about me being rich, that took hours)

(P.P.S. The scar thing made me blush a lot, thanks for that Ponk)

Ponk felt like his entire body was on fire. Sam read the letter, Sam knew, Sam loved him back. Wait, Sam did what now? Ponk reread the letter once, then twice, then 7 more times before it truly sunk in that yes, Sam loved him back. Sam wanted to be with him. Sam wanted to shower him in hugs and affection in any way that Ponk would let him, Sam wanted HIM. Ponk felt like he had been punched, this wasn’t a dream, he wasn’t hallucinating, the Egg wasn’t just showing him false platitudes of what could be if he just recruited a few more people. This was real, he was real, Sam WANTED Ponk, Sam LOVED Ponk. Ponk then registered his feet walking towards the build site, before taking off into a run.

He arrived sweaty and out of breath but he had to know.

“SAM,” he called. Sam turned to him before his eyes widened and he waved back shyly. “Hey Ponk… what’s up?”

“You know damn well what’s up! You write this sweet ass letter and expect me to believe that you actually mean this about me?! If this is some kind of joke it’s too far dude.”

Sam blanched, shaking his head rapidly, “no, absolutely not. I would never mess with your feelings like that, especially if that would hurt someone I love.” Sam's voice took on a softer tone at that, and Ponk could see a hint of blush peeking out under his gas mask. Ponk decided at that moment that thinking was stupid, he loved Sam, Sam loved him. Ponk yanked Sam down by his hoodie collar (not enough to hurt, just to get the taller of the two to bend down) before peppering his face with kisses. After the collar was released Sam stood up, his hands on his face and chest, muttering quietly, “is this a dream?”

Ponk laughed, “No silly, unless you dream of me peppering your face with kisses a lot.”

“No, but it has happened once or twice after reading that letter.” Sam said, still sounding half gone. Ponk rolled his eyes, before reaching up and undoing the clasps on the back of Sam’s mask.

“God, do I have to do everything myself? C’mere, give me a kiss.” He said. The kiss wasn’t perfect, Sam was still slightly stunned and disoriented, and Ponk didn’t want to cross any boundaries Sam may have, but it still felt like home. Pulling apart, Sam opened his eyes, the bright green looking absolutely stunning in contrast to his flushed face. Ponk burst out laughing, trying to reassure Sam he wasn’t laughing at him, but at the absolute look of pure amazement and happiness in his eyes.

“Can you blame me? I just kissed the guy I’ve been crushing on since like, the start of the server.” Ponk stopped, looking at Sam.

“Wait, how long have you liked me?”

Sam went rigid, before mumbling, “that’s besides the point, anyway are we, y’know, a thing now?” He asked, wringing his hands nervously.

“Yes, you big idiot, we’re a thing now,” Ponk laughed, before gesturing at Sam.

“Now come down here so I can kiss you for all the times you’ve made me want to by calling me ‘Ponkie.’”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this check out my other work, comments and Kudos are always appreciated, and check out my twitter Ros_makesart.


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